Recovering from Disappointment

We all want to play our best at this challenging game called golf. We read magazines, watch the best players in the world on the television, invest in the best equipment possible and we take golf lessons from professionals. We’re looking to perfect our games and to have the feeling, as much as possible, of rolling in birdies and eagles. We even have dreams of the pinnacle of perfection, the glorious hole-in-one.

Hitting a poor shot is so hard for each and every one of us to take. When we go through a stretch like this, it can be helpful to remember two important things.


· GENERALLY, YOUR FELLOW PLAYERS ARE SO CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR OWN GAMES THAT THEY HAVE LITTLE MENTAL ENERGY LEFT TO THINK ABOUT YOUR GAME…AND IF THEY WERE TRULY THINKING ABOUT YOU, THEY WOULD ENCOURAGE YOU, HELP YOU AND SUPPORT YOU.

Take it from the pro, the guy who is expected to play well most of the time, disappointing shots happen. Disappointing holes happen. Disappointing rounds happen. Ask any professional, maybe even Tiger Woods in 2010, disappointing years happen. It is truly how we handle these times of disappointment that matters. One truth that I have noticed and tested through my own experience over the years is that golfers (and people in general) are generally more focused on how well/poorly they are doing to be very much concerned with how you are doing.

It is easy to think that those around you are criticizing you, seeing your faults and perhaps even looking down on you when you are not playing your best. But, while your fellow players may be evaluating your game, it is always in comparison to their own game/life. Know that any such comparison is only an attempt to ease their anxieties and to assure themselves that they are “okay”. The reality is that most golfers don’t give our play all that much thought at all. Each of us is so focused on the next shot or replaying the past shot in our minds that we pay little attention to others. While this is sad, because the world would be a better place if we spent more time thinking about others, the realization that most players are caught up in their own little worlds can provide some peace to us when we are struggling with our own games.

The mere understanding that it is only important how YOU think about yourself can free you from a huge amount of anxiety that can be created from fantasizing about what others are thinking about. The reality is, they are most likely thinking about themselves. If they were truly focused on you, they would want to contribute to your happiness and well-being, not make you feel worse about your situation. In my opinion, this desire to contribute to other’s well-being is our true nature…when we are not so caught up in worrying about ourselves and what other people are thinking about us.

Relax. Each shot (moment) is its own universe…just as you are your own universe.


· THE MORE YOU CAN LET GO OF HAVING YOUR ATTENTION ON REPLAYING THE PAST AND/OR WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE, THE MORE ENERGY YOU WILL HAVE TO BE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT, WHERE GOLF (AND LIFE) TRULY HAPPEN.

On the PGA tour they have a statistic called “bounce-back birdies”. This statistic measures how professionals do on the next hole following a bogey or worse. This is such a fascinating statistic to me. It would seem that these are the players who have mastered the art of letting go of disappointment.

If you have a passion for the game of golf (which I am assuming you have, based on the fact that you are taking time out of your life to read what I am writing about the game), it can be very challenging emotionally to deal with making swings that are not your best. However, understand that golf is not a game of perfection. We will always have moments of disappointment in this game no matter how long or well we play the game. It is a game where a difference of 1 millimeter at impact makes yards of difference in the end result. It is an exceedingly challenging game and we are going to make mistakes…no doubt about it. It is a game that requires us to be fully in the present moment in order to be successful. At the same time, it is a game that requires us to be able to let go when we did not achieve total “oneness” in our most recent attempt at being in the present moment.

The best advice I can give you is to focus your attention on your breathing for a while when you find yourself holding on to a disappointing shot in your mind or worrying about the next shot in front of you. Your breath takes place in the present moment. You can feel it and hear it. Also, it is an involuntary response. You don’t have to think about breathing. The breath just rises and falls on its own. When our mind goes off into the past or future, it is important for our well-being, the well-being of our golf games and the well-being of the others we are playing with…that we notice it happening and turn our attention to our next breath or two or fifty.

There is a time and a place for reviewing the past so we can learn from it and planning for the future so we can be prepared. However, the golf swing is the time to be totally in the here and now. Those who can master their own minds and emotions can become those who can recover most quickly from disappointments in golf as well as disappointments in life.

As in golf, so it is in life. You will make mistakes in life and you will have disappointments. It is not the mistakes that matter, it is how you recover from those mistakes that shows your true character.

Let go and be in the present moment. Be the “bounce-back” leader.